SNAP BACK! THEY SAID

It’s been two years and 4 months, but it’s also ONLY been two years and 4 months. The sense of time after a baby and with young children is completely thrown off. Days can feel like they are never-ending, yet months and years literally fly by. When a baby enters your life, your concept of time is changed forever! That said, I am not here to talk about how bittersweet it is to watch your baby grow so fast (Well, not in this article – because, darn it, it is). What I’d really like to write about is how the concept of time when it comes to the expectations on new mothers to “bounce back,” “snap back” into their pre-baby body within a certain time frame (often weeks) is completely unrealistic. To begin, I hate the term “Bouncing back”; it’s not like we are a piece of elastic! The woman’s body is incredible, adaptable, and strong, and it just can’t be reduced to a piece of rubber or plastic expected to “bounce” back. After having a baby, mothers (especially in Western culture) are pressured to return to their pre-baby bodies instantly! And honestly, it’s having an insidious – sometimes dangerous – effect.”

Before I go on, I want to say that I’m not a professional writer, and English isn’t my first language. But after having two little ones, I really felt like I should use my experiences to talk about something very important to me. I hope my story can help out other moms or soon-to-be moms and show that it’s okay not to let societal pressures get to us, especially when it comes to our bodies after giving birth. During both of my pregnancies, I absolutely loved my body. Seeing the changes and growing another life was such an incredible experience. I learned so much about all the amazing things a woman’s body can do, especially during my first pregnancy when everything was new to me. I enjoyed every single step of the journey. Watching my belly, hips, and even my face change over the 9 months was so cool, and every transformation had a special meaning. I think we sometimes forget this. All these changes are for a reason, and instead of trying to fight against them, like many women feel pressured to do nowadays, we should fully accept and celebrate them!

When I became a mother, it was a game-changer, mentally and physically. I truly believe that this incredible transformation should be embraced rather than feeling pressured to meet certain societal standards. During my pregnancies, I felt amazing and rocked my beautiful baby bump with confidence, flaunting it in form-fitting outfits. After giving birth, I didn’t rush to “bounce back” to my pre-baby body because I was in no hurry to lose the precious bump I had come to love. I focused on nurturing my babies and myself rather than worrying about shedding the baby’s weight. I breastfed my eldest, Romy, for 4 months, and my little one, George, is still breastfeeding even after 2 years! After both pregnancies, I gained quite a bit of weight, around 15 kg each time. It took me about a year to feel like myself again after my first baby, Romy.

I remember my mom telling me she didn’t gain much weight during her pregnancies and warned me to be careful about gaining too much because it would be hard to lose. However, I didn’t let that concern me much. I remember eating a lot of Mint Choc Hagen Dazs and watching Property Hunter during my last months of pregnancy with Romy. During my second pregnancy, I was a bit more health-conscious and did regular workout sessions with Lee Mullins at Workshop Gymnasium as I believed doing appropriate work workouts with Lee would maintain my body strength. Lee was one of the first people I told I was pregnant as I wanted to make sure our exercises were appropriate and safe during pregnancy!  I ended up breaking my ankle at 8 months pregnant while slipping on ice, and I took it as a sign to slow down. but with this sedentary last few weeks, I ended up gaining extra ..After giving birth; I first started to work out at around 8 weeks. I think I missed the chat, the hang and the smoothie at Workshop Gymnasium  ( I also think I was a bit nostalgic about the pregnant days and going back reminded me of those days, lol). But it was taking a lot of my time as it’s quite far from where I live, and having to pump before and after the sessions didn’t time feel right. I was missing my baby and thought I’d have plenty of time to get back at it a bit later.  I started working out again at around 6-8 months . I avoided intense workouts while breastfeeding and joined a group workout called Buggy Belles in North London designed for moms, where we did appropriate workouts while being with our babies. I started doing pilates, yoga, and more structured workouts a year later.

The expectation for women to avoid gaining weight during pregnancy and to return to their pre-pregnancy body quickly is disheartening. It seems that many women are not fully embracing the unique and special experience of pregnancy because they feel pressured to conform to societal standards. They end up sacrificing the joy of the experience to meet these unrealistic expectations. I want to clarify that I’m not promoting unhealthy eating habits but rather encouraging women to listen to their bodies and take care of themselves during pregnancy. I also want to acknowledge the struggles of mothers and expectant mothers who, due to their metabolism or severe morning sickness (hyperemesis), have difficulty gaining weight during pregnancy and face criticism for it. It’s unfair that they are also judged, just like those who don’t immediately regain their pre-pregnancy figure. It seems that no matter what women do, they face criticism. This is the time in life when it’s crucial to listen to our bodies and ignore outside pressures. Society often sees vulnerability as a weakness, even during one of the most human experiences in our lives. Personally, growing up in the fashion industry, I faced a lot of pressure regarding body image and how I should look. It was a challenge, but thankfully I didn’t succumb to it. My first pregnancy felt like a salvation from it all. Like a chance to prioritise my health without worrying about societal expectations related to weight gain. I only listened to myself and my amazing doctor. I’ve witnessed many women competing to have the smallest baby bump during pregnancy, and it’s disheartening to see societal pressures overriding our maternal instincts. Even in these moments, many are more concerned with others’ opinions than their own well-being. When I mentioned on Instagram that I was writing about the pressure to recover one’s pre-pregnancy body, a follower messaged me, saying that it’s our responsibility not to give in to the pressure. I agree completely, but it’s easier said than done, especially when our livelihoods may depend on it.

I’ve learned that it can take around 6 months to a year for a woman’s body to fully recover after giving birth. This healing process is important and can be challenging, even for those who have had an uncomplicated pregnancy and delivery. I’ve always believed that it’s only fair for our bodies to take as long to heal as it did to grow a little human being. However, it seems that many new moms feel pressured to hit the gym as early as 6-8 weeks after welcoming their baby into the world, or even sooner. Instead of being encouraged to rest and recover, they feel like they need to quickly “snap back” to their pre-pregnancy bodies. This can be overwhelming and may not prioritise the much-needed rest and recovery time or the bonding with the newborn, and can lead to serious health issues like vaginal prolapse, which isn’t often talked about. I hope that new mothers can focus on gentle, healing exercise, physiotherapy, and a holistic postpartum diet rather than diving into high-intensity workouts or counting calories to shed pregnancy weight. I’ve come to appreciate the 5-5-5 rule, where new moms spend 5 days in bed, 5 days on the bed, and 5 days near the bed after giving birth. The traditional 40-day postpartum period, where mothers stay home, rest, and receive support, also has its benefits. It’s disheartening to see new moms on social media showing off their six-packs just 4 weeks after giving birth or promoting effortless ways to tighten their abs. It just feels wrong. While everyone has the right to their own choices, it sets unrealistic standards and sends the wrong messages to other new moms. I don’t see it as motivating but rather as creating unhealthy competition and placing unrealistic expectations on moms. Women should support each other, especially in the post-baby phase. In the media, new moms’ bodies are often judged based on their weight loss without taking into account any other health challenges they might be facing. There are numerous diet and fitness programs aimed at mothers, but not many of them are led by experts in postpartum health. While the “dad bod” is gaining recognition and acceptance, mothers who have actually given birth aren’t receiving the same level of understanding.

I really feel for women who are under so much pressure to look a certain way, especially during pregnancy and after giving birth. It’s so frustrating how society’s expectations can impact our health and well-being during such an important time. I get so upset because these pressures detract from the joy of experiencing such a magical moment. It’s sad that the society I live in doesn’t see it that way.

In a culture that values quick body transformations, it can make new moms feel like failures if they don’t regain their pre-pregnancy bodies rapidly. Many women focus more on quickly getting back in shape rather than fully living for themselves and their babies. Seeing posts on social media about how some women quickly regain their pre-pregnancy figure can put negative pressure on other new moms. Although age, metabolism, and body type play a significant role in how our bodies respond after pregnancy, sharing unrealistic expectations on social media can have serious consequences. I believe it would be beneficial to be candid about their postpartum experiences and use their platforms to support and uplift others.

Today, I still can’t fit into all my old clothes, and I’ve accepted the idea that I probably never will be able to zip up some of my little black dresses again… And that’s totally okay. I’ve grown two babies, one in my 30s and one in my 40s. That sense of accomplishment is much more important than fitting into a dress. I still feel great and confident with myself because I know how much my body has done for me and my children. I work out – I do pilates, yoga, and swimming. When it comes to food, I can’t really say I’ve dieted or even really watched what I have been eating. I’ve just been listening to my body. My body “re-adjusted” itself at a different pace both times.

So mamas, be kind to yourself and be kind to your amazing body. Try to ignore all the noise around us. We live in a world with so many unrealistic standards, and social media definitely doesn’t help! I’ve still got a small pouch, and to be honest, I kind of love it. It’s a gentle reminder of what I have done and achieved. It’s like the fine lineS on your face; it just shows you lived!

Lots of love, Julia